unproductive

It's been a disappointing last two days. A ridiculously useless and stressful day at work but I'll spare yall the boring details. Bottom line is that after being a pushover and telling my boss 'yes I WILL come in on Friday to waste my time, energy and health for a 3rd straight work-day' I had the overwhelming urge to walk outside and scream until I was left with a ripped and raw throat while gasping for painfully cold breath. One of only three times that's happened to me in my spotty memory. I so can't wait for this job to be over. One more week at the max...

But today was just plan useless. I decided to give my body all the sleep it asked for in hopes to make some progress kicking this lingering sickness but even 11+ hours later I felt awful. Not to mention it didn't make for a productive start to my day. I got updates from my few friends that are enjoying their jobs which was great to hear about but also made me a bit jealous. I also got updates from friends in not fun job situations which was saddening but in one case my friend is ready to put a plan into place and move forward to attempt amazing things. I will so support that and do all I can to make it happen. That was somewhat inspiring...yet I got nothing done. at least I posted this I guess. blarg...

The comments I've received on this blog both via email and as blog-comments have been surprisingly supportive and complimentary. It's still a bit odd for some reason for me to hear those things but I truly appreciate them. The support is very very much appreciated and I will look to those comments to get me through these periods of uselessness and the eventual struggles when I finally dive on in. I think I am beginning to see another bonus to my even pursuing this dream of performing---inspiring others to pursue what makes them happy. I believe that if I can realize it, the performances will inspire those who see them but I never realized the pursuit itself could inspire. I really hope that I can do that. I'm not happy with the normal life we are thrust into and have questioned (often without answer yet) the requirements it installs. Sometimes it takes someone else to remind you to ask those questions and give a little prod in the right direction before you can get on the path to what will eventually make you happiest. I will do my best to query and nudge as often as I can :)